Autobiography Of A Heart Attack
Not because it happened, but because this story needs to be told. It’s another matter entirely that one could replace the coronary incident with coronavirus, cancer or any other calamity that might have befallen us or anyone we (might) have known.
When a conversation (if at all) starts with a statistic-based question - 'What is the EF now (ejection fraction – a.k.a pumping rate of the heart)?', or 'Weren’t you the first amongst the office colleagues to be vaccinated? How did you end up with such a bad case?' or, 'Did you know that 95 per cent of vaccine X or Y has a hidden risk of ischemic heart disease?' (as if anyone taking the shot ever, ever knew). Even worse, with a few doctor-friends professing 'The vaccine didn’t go through the required trial stages, that’s why I never took it' (Pray, tell – how does this help?)
When mind-numbing numbers begin to precede a casual conversation, when statistics of a tell-all-know-all situation is thrown at you, the heart doesn’t think, it begins to think he/she is a statistic by themselves.
There are only 3 parts to this story - either you are the victim (or the victim’s family), the onlooker or the person who chooses to see through this.
Which one are you?
6 degrees of separation
1. Pity - From known quarters to strangers to co-patients to those who always said it happens because of reason XYZ.
2. Curiosity - If the patient wasn’t obese/didn’t travel/stayed at home/wasn’t a smoker/drinker, then the something-else-must-be-the-cause prophecy tellers come alive. On WhatsApp, on Facebook, on online groups, the 'helpers' dredge a lot of self-help information and offer it on a platter.
3. Curiosity stage 2, veering towards apathy - So what’s the prognosis, they ask (by now we have garnered enough medical terminology to quote Gray’s Anatomy). So, we know the difference between prognosis and diagnosis, dialysis and paralysis, haematology and hernia, angioplasty vs angiogram - all used terribly interchanged but want to avoid asking any further questions.
4. Social distancing - Social distancing during the hospitalisation is not just what the doctor ordered, but self-proclaimed. The (government) regulations are followed to both physical and emotional distancing and much more. Call duration trickle to the 1980s Trunk-Call standard (remember those times?) - keep it simple, uncomplicated, don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to, don’t ask how they are managing, if and what mediclaim they have and more importantly advise family WhatsApp groups to switch off read messages related to all messages related to this incident.
5. Tactical - Social awkwardness prevents them from asking real questions, questions that might actually help. Some of these strategies could possibly win a potential WW 3 if God forbid that were to happen. WhatsApp messages get shorter and cryptic messages - 'I heard he had a stroke' (when he, in fact, had a heart attack), Family members including the so-called senior citizens behaving like they are new to WhatsApp, friends and siblings distancing from you just in case god-forbid-they-asked-you-for-your-kidney kind of situation. And cousins (however close or far apart) with their fake 'OMG! I didn’t even know about this - there was nothing anybody told me, when did this happen?' kind of lines.
6. Post-discharge - And this is where the fun starts. The self-proclaimed babas of the world (and their followers) all seem to have the perfect cure for the malady which you have already been through, never mind modern medicine. From potions to alternative therapy to healing mats to SPO2 inducing tablets, they seem to have it all. And often doled out by the gallon, these ‘magical cures’ seem to have helped a distant mamaji. Astrologers and soothsayers who can promise to tell you ‘exactly’ what has happened (which you already know), only to leave out how you can solve it (which you desperately need to know).
All these steps run in a pre-determined cycle from prior to post hospitalisation, irrespective of the city, age, socio-economic status and nature of the calamity. Except of course for those who are blessed with friends and kin who are ready to drop everything – to 'Do' rather than 'Stand by and watch,' except ask the important questions that matter most, except that they don’t have the time, the inclination or the enthusiasm to ask the patient or the family - how are you doing? And how can we help you? Furthermore, if you have lost your job due to the pandemic or the illness or both, then the social-professional pariah tag is semi-permanently affixed on you as we have seen happening for some of our closest acquaintances.
That special piece of paper - a.k.a money - becomes the great leveller then, more than ever.
Moving on…
How often have we stopped by a friend’s place (Covid norms be damned, we don’t mind schmoozing cozy at the local club/pub), after his/her discharge and simply asked 'How are you managing?' Everything not being about money, but the sensitivity, the sensibility and the opportunity to love another human being for what he/she is - not defined by the calamity, the aftermath or something beyond their circumstances? Offering time, kindness, a listening ear at times, just a hug or simply not judging. Like one famously said, “The next evolutionary step for humankind is to move from man to kind.”
Does our corporate etiquette begin and end with a bouquet sent to the hospital? Does HR at an organisation pride itself on increasing the mediclaim coverage to its employees? Does our filial responsibility end with a cold ask-me-if-you-need-anything passage that you have learnt to parrot without meaning a word of it?
How can the distressed family ask anything at this point? Haven’t they lost a lot already - time/health/energy/enthusiasm/self-confidence, to pick up the pieces themselves? Which they surely will, but a little kindness never hurt. Does our mental faculty follow the physical distancing norms, then? Do we end up being strangers the moment a calamity befalls our loved ones? Or do we have the guts to help them piece it together, a piece at a time, at a pace that’s comfortable to both parties?
The answers to these questions are neither easy, nor comfortable.
But it sure does separate the humans with a heart from those who choose not to exercise it.
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